Early Morning Spain

Trapped in the Spanish bunker. Only a few hours before the flight back to Blighty. Spain is surprisingly chilly in the shadows and warm and pleasant in the sunshine.

Last night I saw Richy and Raffa with Mum and Nicko. It was good fun in a local bar. Raffa and I communicated in our limited vocabulary of about 20 words. I got fairly smashed which I didn´t want to do. I think I will have had enough of getting drunk and look forward to some sober days at home with Oi.

In Rob´s bunker I managed to get the hot water going and the computer (by pulling out and reconnecting the graphics card) and mum got the video player working again. For me, it is still insanely cold and my lips have started to crack again.

Bobbo has passed on some great books which I will attempt to read. The Spanish supermarkets are pretty good with a great range of cheese, bread and meats. That´s one thing I will miss in Thailand. Then again, most people have been fairly awestruck about where I live and it is a pretty cool place. I am looking forward to moving out of town though and setting up a new life in the countryside.

Holidays can be highly life changing events I find and it is easy to implement new ideas and improvements when one returns to normal life.

I guess I will be ready to go back to school and I want to do an even better job than last year in regard to storming these kids into the English superhighway to genius level. I was fairly staggered by what last years kids achieved, but of course there is always room for improvement. I think, as I always do, that next year I might look to make some changes on that front. My boss hasn´t exactly pushed the company forward and I find myself more absorbed in my own life with Oi than anything else. Of course, Gee remains my best friend and that is something I would always like to keep and I really enjoy working with her. I wouldnt want to work with Oi´.

Áside from a baby on the way, I do have a bit of a shopping list I would somehow like to implement. Enormous TV´s, Ipods, etc. all seem highly appealing right now as well as cranking the RAM on my PC to get GTA VI running more smoothly.

Hopefully having a garden will tear myself off the PC a bit more too.

All for now.

Bobbo´s Wedding

Well, it´s all over and Bobbo and Mojo are currently somewhere over the Indian Ocean on their way to New Zealand and then the island of Vercuka. Hopefully they won´t fall into a volcano.

The build up to the execution somehow ended very smoothly, after it seemed certain there was to be a verbal explosion of sorts somewhere down the line.

Rob, very wisely, stopped thinking about looking after everyone and took a couple of days out to pack his suitcase, organize his wedding and do his hair. When he reappeared with people carrier to transport us to the beach resort where the execution was to take place, he was calmish and ready to go.

After initial disappointment and surprise at the venue, which seemed like some Spanish English tourist resort, I realised I had judged too early and actually it was quite an amazing place, though the lack of a shop led to disaster at a later date.



Tiered bungalows, 7 swimming pools, fantastic all-you-can-eat restaurant and world class spa led to a short but luxurious stay.

Almost immediately people started to arrive and beer began to flow. Faces, new and familiar appeared and when everyone had finally arrived we drove into town and had tapas, beer and wine in some Spanish restaurant. The Italian choir chanted merry serenades to Bobbo and Mojo climaxing in a kiss and furious cheering. As Nicholas stated, The Spanish and the Italian contingents really knew how to enjoy themselves, it was the English who preferred to converse and drink heavily.

Breakfast the next day and a trip to The Rock. I managed to get to the top and back down again without missing lunch, having been struck on the pate by a seagull for taking some photos of her chicks.



The lunch in a seaside restaurant was massive and there must have been sixty plus revelers of all sizes, race and sex. More beer and wine flowed and Nicholas became quite agitated at the hour of doom drew near. For a while it seemed that the party was going so well that everyone appeared to forget there was a wedding to attend. Rob´s uni friend Rodger managed to get popped by an angry French driver and nearly took John Reed´s eye out with a cheap telescopic fishing rode he bought from some African street hustler.

The execution was by the pool back at the resort and it made a very pleasant location. Nicholas did a grand job and everyone looked very spiffy. Cheers were made and photographs taken before everyone headed back to the terrace for more beer, wine and gin tonics.





A big feast that night had a dozen or so grand tables full of family guests and friends. Rob and Mojo made some fine speeches as did a few select friends. After all that the disco kicked off and I got very excited when my requested songs came on. Poor Boy by Nick Drake and the Ramones got the English lot dancing. I tried smoking a cigar that didn´t agree with me and eventually I ended up in bed at about 4 o´clock.

Mother overruled my request to stay at the resort and I was woken early and had a rushed breakfast before being herded back into the people carrier. Having climbed a mountain, drunk copious amounts of alcohol and being unable to buy even a single glass of water I began getting severe shakes and car sickness as we rushed back to Valencia so the newlyweds could catch their plane. We had to stop twice as I convulsed by the roadside, downing cans of coke and bottles of water. I was rushed straight to Mojo´s luxury apartment where I slowly regained composure.

Bobbo and Mojo ventured off on their honeymoon as I lay semi comatose in their bed.

Unfortunately we were soon escorted back to Bobbo´s seedy, little hole with no hot water, broken TV and computer and a kitty litter tray brimming with fresh turds.

A late morning walk with Nicholas seemed the only way to escape this prison cell. It was a lovely walk around the orchards until Nick went arse over tit in the mud and ended up in the ditch. We hobbled back to the bunker were he is now recovering.



I managed to get the computer running and mum is keeping morale up by providing a constant supply of tea, coffee and tomato sandwiches.

Just another 32 hours before we are to be crammed like sardines onto the Easyjet flight and we make our way back to via train to Petersfield in the early hours of Wednesday morning.

From Spain

Sunny Spain and a tad warmer than England, though ever so slightly chilly at night.

The Easyjet flight was fairly straightforward and full of the mix of people one would expect. I observed a Spanish tart with her henpecked aging English boyfriend. She ordered about 200 quids worth of perfume, champagne and fancy drinks in the space of an hour and was constantly barking orders at him to sit down or stand up, to which he dutifully obeyed. I thought I was back in Thailand for a moment.

Robert is verging on a stress attack whilst in the throws of arranging his execution. I happily avoided all of this for my own. I was not spared all pain however, as I was forced to look after a herd of aggressive farang for a horrible week after my own execution. I am hoping Rob will not repeat his famous, though rarely mentioned birthday disappearing act, where bewildered birthday party boys and girls were left hostless as Robert lay hid and squatting in the woods in feverish sweat, unable to come to terms with turning eleven in front of so many people. One of those occasions where the longer the time is left the more cruxifying the inevitable reappearance. All and sundry, especially me, are putting a firm stop on cheap gags and sarcastic comments that might trigger a volcantic tsunami of catastrophic proportions.



Nicholas has a swollen foot, but has still been bumbling about accompanied by a constant audio stream of chirps, hiccups and whistles.



Mother has been hurrying everywhere and verging on extreme irritability with snappy comments like, "Well, I can´t do anything more!" or "He has only himself to blame!"

I, as carefully planned, have remained as vague and detached as possible, and am happy to observe the whole event as from a distant cloud. Nodding in agreement when indicated and politely declining when appropriate.

Rob has spent far too much time worrying about the arrival of guests from abroad, and has spent the last two days preparing the wedding service agenda on his computer and packing his bags for his honeymoon, all whilst staving off one mammoth stress attack. To date, no tasks have been completed.



Mojo, his bride to be, or Maria Jose Sanchez or, as i like, just "Sanchez", seems firmly in control and a veritable master at organisation.

Yes, it´s a busy time.

Last night Mater, Nicholas and myself took leave from the fray and watched Micheal Caine in Funeral in Berlin which was fun, though we all petered out towards the end. Rob´s flat (he now resides in Mojo´s luxury apartment) is as archaic as my distant memory recalls, with a tiny trickle of lukewarm water for a shower, being too polite to ask the lovely and aging landlady to fix it for the past 12 years. A complex and ancient coffee machine thingy that looks like it comes from the Bible and takes over an hour to chug out a single cup. There is even a rock hard lump of cheese in the fridge (that has no light). Quite charming, and closely resembles a Collett residence.

Yesterday, Rob took me on a great tour of the ultra spaceage architecture of Valencia. These gigantic buildings bankrupted the city and look straight out of Starship Troopers. They are mighty impressive to the eye and coined by the locals as "Arse Genius", referring to the massive expense and limited function of these monoliths whilst people are sick, starving, poorly educated etc etc. Spain has that ever great feel to it. I love the street life and the warm sun is always welcome. The tapas snacks and beers for breakfast are terrific as is the Calaque-a brandy coffee.



Tonight we are to be herded onto a minibus and driven to the hotel/resort where the execution is to take place. We can relax in the 7 swimming pools and spas and await an ever diminishing array of dusty guests who must make their way from Alicante airport to a remote and distant location with severely limited transportation and assistance. Of course, I jest.

Hopefully, by the time I update this log, Robert and Mojo will be happily married and fighting for survival on some volcanic South Pacific island as is their honeymoon destination, and the party guests will be back in there shiny offices doing whatever it was they were doing before embarking upon this insane romp across the Spanish desert.

Reporting from England

It's nearly nine in the morning and Mum and Nicholas are still snoring and covered in cats.

Borough Hill is as it was and very pleasant place to hang out. All the tasty foods and drinks are consumed by the minute and new TV shows watched.

After being attacked by frostbite and huge cold sores and blistering skin has abated, I can now enjoy the fresh air of England. The weather has been clear and mostly sunny. The countryside, of course, looks beautiful.

I have been very busy and keep having to stop for a day to recharge the batteries, but I have seen nearly everyone on my list, with the exception of Mary who I will see after the Spanish leg of the trip. But Marc, Marsha, Joel, Jimmy V and family, Andy, Paul, Steve, Kate, Charles, Matty and Dan Beck has all been great and really fun.

I managed to get to the bank and sort out my card which will really help me in Thailand and the only other job is to get my driving license sorted.

I really love all the new technology and in general I feel very positive about England, though I am aware that outside UK many countries aren't so great while everyone hear is rushing about buying the latest toys etc. But that is another story.

Spain tomorrow for the execution and then back to UK for 4 days before flying home to Sweetie, where I must quickly more house and get back to school before the baby is born. Thanks to everyone for being so spiffing!

Ju-Ju

Wedding Compilation Photo

Rather a sweet little photoshop job to the Dweebs who might have missed this one.

Noel Gallagher album

Have to say this recent DL is awesome. The Dreams of Children or something and a great live recording. The accompanying viseos on Utube are also great, particularly of course, Slide Away and a great version of Light that Never Goes Out (only a few weeks after hearing a hidden version by Aussie folk legend Paul Kelly)

News just in, fellow rock and roll tart, Tony is to be a papa! Projected date of arrival perilously close to my own, which is even crazier considering we have the same birthday. It could mean they must form a new band, The Offspring.

GTA IV is horrible. Having switched everything off, compressed memory and clean eveything I can get it running fairly smoothly. This afternoon saw me scaling a building and popping off bods waiting for a train at the adjacent station. After the pigs arrived I leapt over onto the platform, jumped on a train and managed to escape their evil eye. Another incident saw me hurling hand grenades around the strip club. What is it that makes one want to go to the strip gun and shoot the girating girls on the poles? Anthor occasion, excuse the excitement, I parked up on the bridge, blocking the carriageway, upon drawing my sniper rifle, the foolish drivers left their vehicles and began fleeing back across the bridge. Capping their legs, some managed to escape limping pitifully back. Sad.

I have been horribly moody today as I wrestle with the notion of leaving Oi at this time.

GTA IV

Oh dear.

Grand Theft Auto IV is so horribly awesome it's horrible.

Watch these 2 videos. Highly amusing yet you can't help but think that some impressionable young yob-oiks arn't going to go and get themselves a handgrenade and throw it under the seats of the waiting area at the local hospital, or go people ploughing with a garbage truck.

Thankfully my super hot computer it too stone age to play it effectively.

Enjoy these 2 vids. They are funny, but there is also something a bit worrying about them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E60b2xqcZX4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ3o1AWfCb4

JJ

G20 Riots

Fantastic footage of the protests on Utube.

Love the shots of the guy taking out the windows at the RBS.

The actual G20 looks like a lovely jolly for Brown and Obama and respective wives. And what they are supporting is further debt to spend their way out of a crisis. I am glad Europe isn't buying into this quicksand.

It is also worth noting that there is not much coverage of the protests.

Why?

Because it is challenging the very fabric of our society. UK is as bad as Thailand for news censorship. When a farang dies, it takes a lot to make the papers here.

Watch this space...