From Spain

Sunny Spain and a tad warmer than England, though ever so slightly chilly at night.

The Easyjet flight was fairly straightforward and full of the mix of people one would expect. I observed a Spanish tart with her henpecked aging English boyfriend. She ordered about 200 quids worth of perfume, champagne and fancy drinks in the space of an hour and was constantly barking orders at him to sit down or stand up, to which he dutifully obeyed. I thought I was back in Thailand for a moment.

Robert is verging on a stress attack whilst in the throws of arranging his execution. I happily avoided all of this for my own. I was not spared all pain however, as I was forced to look after a herd of aggressive farang for a horrible week after my own execution. I am hoping Rob will not repeat his famous, though rarely mentioned birthday disappearing act, where bewildered birthday party boys and girls were left hostless as Robert lay hid and squatting in the woods in feverish sweat, unable to come to terms with turning eleven in front of so many people. One of those occasions where the longer the time is left the more cruxifying the inevitable reappearance. All and sundry, especially me, are putting a firm stop on cheap gags and sarcastic comments that might trigger a volcantic tsunami of catastrophic proportions.



Nicholas has a swollen foot, but has still been bumbling about accompanied by a constant audio stream of chirps, hiccups and whistles.



Mother has been hurrying everywhere and verging on extreme irritability with snappy comments like, "Well, I can´t do anything more!" or "He has only himself to blame!"

I, as carefully planned, have remained as vague and detached as possible, and am happy to observe the whole event as from a distant cloud. Nodding in agreement when indicated and politely declining when appropriate.

Rob has spent far too much time worrying about the arrival of guests from abroad, and has spent the last two days preparing the wedding service agenda on his computer and packing his bags for his honeymoon, all whilst staving off one mammoth stress attack. To date, no tasks have been completed.



Mojo, his bride to be, or Maria Jose Sanchez or, as i like, just "Sanchez", seems firmly in control and a veritable master at organisation.

Yes, it´s a busy time.

Last night Mater, Nicholas and myself took leave from the fray and watched Micheal Caine in Funeral in Berlin which was fun, though we all petered out towards the end. Rob´s flat (he now resides in Mojo´s luxury apartment) is as archaic as my distant memory recalls, with a tiny trickle of lukewarm water for a shower, being too polite to ask the lovely and aging landlady to fix it for the past 12 years. A complex and ancient coffee machine thingy that looks like it comes from the Bible and takes over an hour to chug out a single cup. There is even a rock hard lump of cheese in the fridge (that has no light). Quite charming, and closely resembles a Collett residence.

Yesterday, Rob took me on a great tour of the ultra spaceage architecture of Valencia. These gigantic buildings bankrupted the city and look straight out of Starship Troopers. They are mighty impressive to the eye and coined by the locals as "Arse Genius", referring to the massive expense and limited function of these monoliths whilst people are sick, starving, poorly educated etc etc. Spain has that ever great feel to it. I love the street life and the warm sun is always welcome. The tapas snacks and beers for breakfast are terrific as is the Calaque-a brandy coffee.



Tonight we are to be herded onto a minibus and driven to the hotel/resort where the execution is to take place. We can relax in the 7 swimming pools and spas and await an ever diminishing array of dusty guests who must make their way from Alicante airport to a remote and distant location with severely limited transportation and assistance. Of course, I jest.

Hopefully, by the time I update this log, Robert and Mojo will be happily married and fighting for survival on some volcanic South Pacific island as is their honeymoon destination, and the party guests will be back in there shiny offices doing whatever it was they were doing before embarking upon this insane romp across the Spanish desert.