It's the middle of the night and its probably the best time to write.
Fatherhood.
I seem to be coming apart at the seams right now, and I haven't figured out why. But, I assume it is to do with becoming a father and the change in life.
For some reason I haven't yet felt this bond I was expecting and am being told must be wonderful. Is it because of grandma's presence and superwiz way of doing everything concerning the baby, that makes me feel like a spare wheel? It's my first notion. And I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated and my behaviour erratic and unreasonable as I suffer with this problemette.
I am also having grief with Phit at work which does not help matters but is best left unsaid.
So I see Oi and her mum having a whale of a time with the babe and a constant procession of Thai TV soaps, and although they are very willing for me to join in and they keep refering to me and suggesting I hold Grace, I still don't feel very at ease. Argh!!!
Obviously Grace is totally cute and unreal and everything, but is it me? I have some faith that time will solve this strange wierded out feeling I have.
I am sure in a year I will feel totally different, but right now it is quite worrysome. In fact I feel bloody terrible. This magic bond thing just hasn't happened. just hope when grandma goes home, my feelings will develop.
Peter...thoughts?
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